


man, fuck the greater good

by crownedSerpent09



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Superheroes/Superpowers, M/M, Romantic Comedy, an incredibles quote is used, im sure you can figure out which one, inspired by the power music video, xiubaek are married
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-06
Updated: 2017-09-06
Packaged: 2018-12-24 13:56:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,291
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12014193
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crownedSerpent09/pseuds/crownedSerpent09
Summary: Baekhyun just wants the universe to stop interrupting his dates with his husband.





	man, fuck the greater good

**Author's Note:**

> inspired by this [Twitter thread](https://twitter.com/huniverses/status/905258586699390981)
> 
> I might make this into a series? idk I have ideas for stuff with the other members :))))

“Oh my god, I don’t care!” Baekhyun shouted just before he blasted the head off of the mutant sludge monster. Its yellow jowls opened in surprise just before Agent 04’s laser cleaved it into dozens of pieces that splattered all over the walls of the buildings lining the once-busy metropolitan boulevard.

“Nice work, Agent Number Four!” came Junmyeon’s voice over their in-ears.

“For the last time, it’s pronounced Double-O-Four!” Baekhyun protested, shoving his laser none-too-gently back into its sheath. He rounded on his husband, who was standing behind his ice shield, looking on with amusement. A piece of yellow mutant sludge slid down the surface of the wall of ice, obscuring the slightly-smirking face of the other agent’s face for a moment, as Baekhyun stepped over the puddles of sludge that scattered to the ground in disgust. He stopped in front of the translucent shield and poked at it with a pointer finger, signaling the man behind it to dissolve it.

Minseok’s cat-like eyes glinted with mischief right before he tilted his head, silently urging Baekhyun to walk around the shield.

“There’s only one zero in your codename,” Kyungsoo pointed out over the radio. Baekhyun ignored him in favor of pouting at Minseok until Minseok gave in and melted the wall between them.

“For the record, we did finish within 30 minutes like I said we would,” said Minseok.

“We’ve been planning this dinner for _months_ ,” returned Baekhyun.

“We still have time to get there; the reservation is at 8.”

Baekhyun crinkled his nose. “This sludge smell will take _at least_ an hour to wash off!”

Minseok chuckled as he grabbed Baekhyun’s hand and began tugging his partner towards the direction of their transport vehicle. “You know the city was in danger, right?”

“The city? My evening is in danger!”

“Glad to hear your dedication to the protection of innocent civilians and the greater good, Baekhyun,” came Junmyeon’s wry voice over the radio.

“Oh shut it, Chanyeol and Sehun would’ve gotten here just as quickly as we did.”

“If we’d sent Sehun, he would have blasted a few dozen holes in the surrounding buildings for every hole he put in the mutant,” said Kyungsoo.

“Rude.”

The short statement made in the unmistakeable voice of their youngest was followed by a crackle and the signs of a struggle. Minseok and Baekhyun continued, unbothered, to the vehicle and buckled themselves in. Finally, it seems the short scuffle over the radios had produced a winner, and within a second, Jongin’s voice came over the in-ear.

“Sorry about that, Sehun keeps lurking in this channel and tuning out the channel for our mission.”

“No problem, Jongin. How are you guys doing over there?” Junmyeon asked.

“Things are fine. Jongdae hyung went in alone with no problem and Sehun hasn’t shot anything yet, it’s going pretty good.” A distant voice in the background proclaimed the statement “Rude” again.

Baekhyun had had enough. “That’s great and all, but Minseok and I are going to have to sign out now! Tell cleanup to go to 5th Blvd, it’s the part with all the yellow sludge everywhere, can’t miss it!”

“Wait Baekhyun, you still have to report at mission headquarters---”

“Junmyeon.” Agent 04’s voice was uncommonly stern. “Let me go on this dinner with my husband, or I promise you---”

“Okay, okay! There’s nothing much to report anyway! Mission accomplished, signing out.” And with that, the connection between Baekhyun’s and Junmyeon’s radios ended. Kyungsoo offered the situation a snicker before also signing off without a goodbye, and Minseok and Baekhyun were left alone in the silence of the car.

“So… Have I ever told you how much I love that cologne you bought at that department store?”

Baekhyun’s glare pierced through the rearview mirror and cut off Minseok’s next awkward attempt. Tightening his hands on the wheel, Minseok simply stepped on the gas and hoped that they wouldn’t meet any red lights.

 

\----

 

It was happening again.

“Baekhyun, have you seen my supersuit?”

It was supposed to be movie night, an intimate, quiet (okay, Baekhyun was aware that with him around, quiet, as a concept, did not exist) night with just his husband and NO calls from HQ calling either of them into action.

“I swear I put it with the rest of the folded laundry.” He could hear Minseok rattling around in the laundry room and the cacophony of plastic laundry baskets sliding against the tiled floor.

“Why can’t I find it?”

Because I hid it, Baekhyun thought internally, with a savage, petty pleasure at the thought. Unfortunately for him, Minseok came back into the room just as a smile chock full of pettiness was blooming over Baekhyun’s face. And Minseok was no fool.

“Baekhyun… “ came Minseok’s warning tone.

Baekhyun scrambled over the top of the couch in one fluid (clumsy) move, poking only his eyes above the top of the couch to look back at his enraged partner.

“Baekhyun, tell me where my supersuit is.” Even though Minseok was crossing his arms in his signature do-NOT-fuck-with-me stance, he hasn’t advanced farther into the room yet, so Baekhyun felt safe enough for a moment to make his retort.

“I’m not telling.”

“Baekhyun, now is not the time to be childish.”

“Not.”

“Byun Baek---”

“Telling!”

“It’s for the greater good!”

“UM?” Baekhyun was standing up in a flash. “I’m your husband! I’m the greatest good you’ll ever get!”

“Hhhnngghhhhh.”

Baekhyun could hear the prominent sound of Minseok grinding his teeth. He wonders idly if his husband had picked up the habit from the boy Minseok was mentoring as a part of the youth heroes program, the one that ate jellies in the middle of the night and lived the life Baekhyun could only dream of (always eating sweets without gaining weight, growing 10 cm every time he closed his eyes, having Minseok’s undivided attention for 2 hours of every day --- the last part Baekhyun found unfair because even though Minseok’s attention was on him for the other 22 out of 24 hours, Baekhyun figured he deserved at least 26).

“Okay, let’s make a deal.” Minseok’s resolve eventually receded with time arguing with Baekhyun, as it always did. He took a seat at one end of the couch, and Baekhyun took a seat at the other. The distance between them was a far cry from where they sat just 10 minutes ago, with possibly _negative_ space between their bodies.

Minseok took a deep breath to steady himself before speaking. “You get me my suit within 20 seconds and let me take this call, and when I come back, I’ll---” He seemed to choke on his words. Baekhyun eyed him expectantly, indicating for him to go on. “I’ll wear the cat ears.”

There was a pause before a maniacal grin crept slowly across Baekhyun’s face. If Minseok’s expression was anything to go by, he was already regretting this decision.

“Now hold on,” Baekhyun interjected. “Are we talking about in a purely sexual sense, or…?”

Minseok exhaled heavily. “In whatever sense you want it to be.”

Baekhyun seemed to be deep in thought for a moment before he sprang up, clapping his hands happily. “Great! It’s a deal! Let me get your suit!”

Minseok’s eyes followed him as he disappeared into the bedroom and reemerged with Minseok’s supersuit, still in the neat folds that Minseok had made after cleaning it. He quickly stripped and suited up and was at the door just as he loaded up his communications device and the frenzied messages from Jongin, who was already at the scene, came through.

Before closing the door behind him, Minseok paused at the threshold. “By any chance… Did you hide it under the bed?”

Baekhyun simply winked and blew him a goodbye kiss.


End file.
